She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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