ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
