I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
