Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
