cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
