Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
worst night to have a conscience
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize