Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
