Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
