i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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