so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
