woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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