There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
