Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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