my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
