So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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