I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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