so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
