There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
