He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
