Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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