Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
