Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
