I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
