well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize