Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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