Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
