He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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