never play flip cup with pint glasses
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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