I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
