I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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