I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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