gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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