Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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