I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
