Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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