I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
