her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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