Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your penis caused this!
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