her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize