Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
