yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
