Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
