I could have mohawked her pubes.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
