Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
50% drunk capacity currently
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
