I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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