I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
