this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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