my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
