I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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