i just wanna soil my oats bro
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize