come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize