the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My life is pants optional.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
