I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
