White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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