I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
