I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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