you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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