I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize