My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
