somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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