He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
