Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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