I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
