I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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