i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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