You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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