I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize