I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You made out with two different species that night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
