like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
