had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
