When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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