everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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