never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
