Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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