i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
