Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize