South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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