I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
