Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
