shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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