I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
