If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
