apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
