A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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