just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
