It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
