it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just gift wrapped bread.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
