I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
