I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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