I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
