Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
