if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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