jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I just put wine in my tea
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
